Funny things kids say | Kid Wisdom

Laughing is one of our favorite activities at my house.

My son, Dawson, and I share a silly sense of humor. We love to replace song lyrics with really ridiculous ones and make up silly rhymes, usually in a poorly executed fake accent. My husband, Terry, is a master of puns and dad jokes (and pretty witty with the ridiculous song lyrics). So, while the things that our son says are often quite surprising, I think I see how they came about.

When Dawson was four, he told me, “Mom, I love you.”

“I love you, bud,” I said.

“I love you more than a rhino charging at my mustache,” he said.

Dawson has always made us laugh, even if it’s not exactly the most respectful thing to say. One evening he was sitting on the floor next to Terry’s chair. “I like big butts and I cannot lie,” he said. “That’s why I’m sitting next to yours.”

When Dawson was in preschool, Terry asked him at dinner about his day. “What did you do at school today,” he said.

“Oh, you know, rode a unicycle with a bear,” Dawson said.

Candy Fike, of Poulsbo, was reading a book about animals to her son Matthew, 2. When they finished reading, she asked him a few questions.

“Matthew, what’s your favorite animal,” she asked.

“Gorilla,” Matthew said.

“What’s mama’s favorite animal,” she asked.

“Dada,” he said.

Rebekah Strange, of Bremerton, and her son Aidan, 2, went to the gym one morning. When they got there, it was sunny. But when it was time to go, they discovered it was overcast and raining. Aidan stepped out the door, stomped his foot, put his hands on his hips and let out a big sigh, “No sun! It raining again mommy. Why?” And then he growled at the foul weather.

Jonah, 8, enjoys having a little sister, Phoebe, 5, to play with, pick on and help him in his business schemes. Here are a few stories submitted by their mom, Jocelyn Horton of Poulsbo.

One day near Christmas, Jocelyn was sitting outside watching her children play. Jonah had his sister down by the street with a bell tied to a string. He gave Phoebe, who was two at the time, a bucket.

“Phoebe, stand here and ring this bell,” he said. She complied for a while and then decided to move on and Jonah was not too happy about that.

“Get back here,” Jonah said. “I’m trying to make some money!”

I think most parents have experienced a trip or two (or several hundred for me) to the store with their children that did not go quite as they envisioned. Jocelyn went to the post office with Jonah and Phoebe to mail some cards. While she was busy working on that, her children pulled cards from the rack, knocked a bear off the wall and Jonah grabbed a shipping box, unfolded it, put his little sister in and tried to mail her.

I would love to hear your funny kid stories, so please send them my way. Parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and people who love kids, please send your stories and cute kid photos to I look forward to hearing from you.

— Quinn Ward is a former journalist living in Poulsbo. She has been recording the amazing and outrageous things her kids say since they have been able to talk.