I was fortunate to spend the entirety of my youth in the north end of our noble peninsula and there is no doubt in my mind that it is a wonderful place to live. Having spent four years pursuing my studies in the fertile wine country of Oregon, I have often missed the snow-capped Olympics, the Puget Sound breeze, and the maple bars at Sluy’s. It is with this love of our near-utopian way of life that I write with an urgent caution to the drivers of North Kitsap.

I drove home to enjoy the Easter holiday with my family and was welcomed with the supposedly good news that my 17-year-old sister had just received her driver’s license. I congratulated her on the achievement and privately lamented what is sure to be an error in the Washington State license granting process. I was further vexed to find that she had decided not to become an organ donor — quite ironic, considering that she took the test on Good Friday. One would expect a more altruistic commitment from a girl who is very active in her church.

My main concern is that my sister will be wo-manning a motor vehicle at speeds which will undoubtedly alarm her frontal lobe, let alone the rest of us. I wish I could say that she is well prepared for the task, given that she passed driver’s education, but the sad truth is that her main mentor was my mother. I love my mom dearly, but each one of her five children can attest to the fact that she is prone to stall at traffic lights, signal just before turning (if at all), spill her coffee or become engrossed in a heated discussion with my sister. And all of this before the advent of cell phones.

Some have speculated that the separation of the hot-headed mother-daughter duo will make each individual a safer driver, but we cannot forget that this mitosis gives us not one, but two fairy-demons roaming the highways of the north end, both of whom are likely to be late for an appointment. Others have speculated that these individuals could be an immediate threat to each other, as they seem to share an other-worldly gravitational pull. We can only hope they don’t run head-on into each other. If mom’s Suburban was to inflict lethal consequences, it is unlikely that she would be able to receive the heart, lungs, or kidneys that my sister could have easily reciprocated by becoming an organ donor.

The rest of us can breathe easy for now, as my sister won’t have a car for at least four months.

Nate Brown

Kingston