There is global warming. Plus a world-wide energy crisis.

There is an antidote, conservation.

So in a well-intended but ultimately hopeless and pathetic effort to do something about it, I chose to take public transit yesterday from Vancouver, B.C. to Indianola, rather than drive I-5. Here’s a log, like a captain’s log, of my experience.

10:30 a.m: Bum ride, 12 miles, to Vancouver Amtrak station, saved cab fare.

11:00: Attempt to purchase ticket, discover train cancelled due to “track work” on Mondays. Bus ticket $30.60 to Seattle terminal, including extra leg from Seattle back to Edmonds ferry terminal. Scheduled arrival Edmonds 5:17 p.m. Plan to catch the 5:50 ferry to Kingston. Then call a friend to bum six-mile ride to Indianola. Target: home 7 p.m.; eight-and-a- half hour elapsed time.

11:30: Departure. Stops at two hotels.

12:30 p.m.: Stop at U.S. Customs. Treated like immigrants from Gaza to Israel. Cautioned to declare my tangerine peels, due to lack of any waste disposal on bus, or be fined $300 — driver reported seeing two fines in prior week. No waste disposal at Customs. Signs prominently declaring “No public restrooms” — I suppose mandated by the potential to secretly assemble a nuclear device from parts in a backpack.

1:30: Leave Customs to the congratulations of our bus driver who said one hour was admirable. Saturdays require three to four hours.

1:30 to 3:15: Semi-smooth sailing — one minor problem arose when the young woman sitting next to me in the narrow non-reclining bus seats said: “Sir, your leg touched my leg, would you please stop that.” I answered: “Sorry, not intended, won’t happen again.” I put the arm rest back down, which she had raised up to facilitate taking her window seat. I resisted saying: “Honey, if your butt wasn’t as wide as the Columbia River at Astoria, I’m sure it wouldn’t have been touched,” thereby preventing a fatality. I noticed she was reading a popular non-fiction book on Kabala, about finding happiness by understanding God. Maybe she hadn’t gotten to the happiness chapter yet.

3:15: Arrival at Seattle Amtrak terminal 45 minutes early. Early enough for me to skip the ride backtracking to Edmonds, and catch the 3:45 ferry to Bainbridge Island. It’s only a 20 minute walk, but with luggage a cab would be better. One problem, after repeated calls, cabs finally came at 3:40—none there waiting. So I missed the 3:45, and had to settle for the 4:40.

5:10: Arrival Bainbridge with 3,000 commuters all shuffling off the ferry like the march of the penguins. But since I’m cool, I just went with the flow — middle of the stream — it’s warmer there. While on the ferry, called Kitsap Transit customer service about bus schedule to Indianola. Very charming and helpful agent alerted me to there being two #91 buses. Be sure to take the “Express,” not regular, since the regular #91 doesn’t stop in Indianola. So once freed up, I walked briskly right to #91, got on, asked fellow passengers if this were the 91 “Express.” They responded kindlythat it wasn’t; that the Indianola Express bus left several minutes ago — it always does — regulars know this and push to the front of the flock, racing to the bus, or inevitably miss it. Our driver, a fine chap named Marvin, had a solution. He would call ahead and have another bus pick me up in Suquamish, after only a 20-minute wait at park and ride, to take me to the Indianola Country Store.

5:50: Arrival at Suquamish park and ride. Realized that since my friend would have to drive to the store anyway, why not just drive to Suquamish? Marvin called off the relay bus and kindly dropped me farther down on the main road. Incidently, the repartee between Marvin and his regulars was entertaining and hilarious. Sometimes love turns up in the strangest places.

6:30: Arrived home. Total Elapsed time eight hours, a half hour better than target.

Cost out-of-pocket: bus $30.60, cab $7, ferry $6.65, bus $1.25; subtotal $45.50.

Other costs: car to train station in Vancouver, 24 miles round trip; ride home from Suquamish, 12 miles round trip. 36 miles, two gallons, $8.

Total cost $53.50. Fuel consumed: two gallons plus prorata bus diesel.

Had I driven the 150 miles: fuel, seven gallons, or $28. Ferry $14.45; total $42.45. Elapsed time four to four and a half hours.

Like Rocky said after going 15 rounds with Apollo Creed: “No rematch!”