Clerks II

Rated R

You gotta see this if: Your home movie library includes “Jersey Girl” and “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.”

final analysis: *** I have distinct memories of seeing “Clerks” 12 years ago. The film managed to erode some of my 23-year-old innocence, however, I found the movie fiercely funny and a brilliant representation of Gen-X. Danté and Randal’s sarcasm, cynicism, and insecurities struck a chord that catapaulted “Clerks” into cult classic history. “Clerks II” has the same effect. This time Danté and Randal are in their 30s and working in a fast food joint called Mooby’s. They’re older, but firmly stuck in adolescent mode. The plot expands on the original low-budget classic, and despite the addition of color, its strength remains the same: dialogue. This movie is all about the fast-paced, inane banter between close friends about everything from movie trilogies to repulsive sexual practices. And, for the most part, it’s just as funny as it was a decade ago with Jay and Silent Bob still peddling their wares, despite Jay’s journey through the 12 steps. “Clerks II” is definitely junk food served in a greasy wrapper, but we all need to indulge in a guilty pleasure once in a while.

Little Man

Rated PG-13

You gotta see this if: You feel that movies don’t feature nearly enough kicks to the groin.

final analysis: * This is one of the worst movies ever made. It’s creepy, the special effects are bad, and it’s offensive on more levels than can be found in the Empire State building. The plot is a rip-off of a Bugs Bunny cartoon and thank goodness Mel Blanc didn’t live to see the Wayans brothers’ interpretation. Marlon Wayans plays an under three-foot criminal who impersonates a baby to steal the diamond he’s hidden in a woman’s handbag. It may have been an amusing cartoon, but it doesn’t work as a full-length feature film. Soon after the baby is taken in by the woman and her boyfriend (Shawn Wayans,) the movie dives headfirst into a cesspool of body waste, breastfeeding jokes, the baby’s sex drive, and numerous whacks to the groin. Of course, these types of gags are likely expected by “Little Man’s” target audience. What truly makes this movie offensive is something I can’t print in a family-friendly environment. An R rating wouldn’t have made this a better movie but at least it would have been honest.

Monster House

Rated PG

You gotta see this if: You always close your closet door and check under your bed before going to sleep at night.

final analysis: *** “Monster House” uses the same motion-capture technique that animated “The Polar Express.” Thankfully, this time they got it right. The animated faces have been exaggerated to resemble cartoons instead of zombies. But be assured, there’s still plenty of scares in “Monster House.” The feel is part Tim Burton, part Ray Bradbury. It’s a spooky story about a house inhabited by the spirit of its dead owner. The only people who realize this, however, are three local kids and they decide to take on the house before the house takes on them. It’s a well-executed story with excellent visuals and enough nail-biting moments to keep kids and grown-ups on the edge of their seats. It may be too intense for sensitive or very young children and most kids who see it will probably want to attack their own house with a super-soaker after leaving the theater. . . just to be sure. I do find it curious why a movie set at Halloween is being released in mid-summer. Perhaps the producers are counting on big DVD sales for the holidays?