Captain Joseph House Foundation
By Deborah Anastasi Black
For Veterans Life
PORT ANGELES — Elisa Apolinar and Thania Saynes had never met, but they had a lot in common.
Both were military wives in their 20s. Each had a 1-year-old son and were expecting a second child.
Elisa’s husband, Martin Apolinar, was stationed with the Army Special Forces Operational Detachment at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Elisa had taken a break from her job as a fourth-grade teacher to stay at home with her toddler son, Marty, while Martin was deployed to Afghanistan.
Thania’s husband, Sgt. Timothy Sayne, was stationed with the Army 1st Cavalry at Fort Wainwright in Fairbanks, Alaska. Thania stayed at home and took care of their son, Kalvin, while Timothy was deployed to Afghanistan.
On May 29, 2011, Elisa received the news that her husband’s Humvee had been struck by an IED. He and another member of his team, as well as their detachment commander, had been killed.
The happy 28-year-old expectant mother was now a widow. And it happened in an instant.
In September 2011, Thania received the news that her husband had been killed in action. The expectant stay-at-home mom, now widowed, was suddenly the sole breadwinner — a role she had never played.
Elisa and her son returned to Arizona where her family lived, and delivered her baby there.
“We stayed with my parents and they helped with my son and the new baby, which gave me time to grieve,” she said.
Thania moved to Illinois to live with her mother-in-law and work toward a nursing degree so she could support her family. Her mother-in-law helped care for Kalvin and the new baby. Still, Thania was struggling and feeling disconnected.
“There are support lines you can call when you feel down, but each time you call you have to repeat your story to a different person. … And I didn’t have anyone nearby, other than my mother-in-law, who I could talk to in person.”
Making connections
When Elisa arrived at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware to receive her husband’s remains, she met Betsy Schultz of Port Angeles, Washington. Betsy’s son, Capt. Joseph William Schultz, Special Forces, was detachment commander for a team of Green Beret soldiers and had died in the Humvee with Martin Apolinar. Betsy and Elisa talked and exchanged numbers.
Fast forward to May 2012. While attending a Memorial Day service for Capt. Schultz and other servicemen and women who had been laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery, Betsy met Thania Sayne, whose husband had been interred near Joseph. Betsy spoke briefly with Thania and they exchanged phone numbers.
On Christmas Eve that year, Betsy received a call from Thania. She told Thania about Elisa, as the two women had much in common. The two were put in contact with each other.
“We bonded instantly,” Elisa said. “We were able to talk and bounce things off of each other. Thania was still struggling, while I was a little bit further along on my journey.”
Captain Joseph House Foundation
In the year since Capt. Schultz’s death, Betsy had embarked upon a mission in memory and in honor of her son and the many heroes who have fallen since the beginning of the War on Terrorism.
In August 2011, she founded the Captain Joseph House Foundation. With volunteer and paid staff, donated funds and inspiration, the foundation would convert a 1910 Tudor-style home in Port Angeles into a place for families of the fallen to gather for respite, and receive a continuum of care for their personal healing.
This continuum of care would be in addition to assistance the families receive elsewhere.
Captain Joseph House provides Gold Star families the opportunity to take an extended break and draw strength from other families experiencing similar loss. It’s a place where friendships can take root in the peace and solitude of a home away from home.
“Captain Joseph House may be the first of many steps that Gold Star families take on their journeys from grieving victim to survivor,” Betsy said. “It is intended to give them a sense of what it’s like to start living again — and to give them the hope that one day they will find a new normal.”
Twenty months after their mini-retreat, Thania and Elisa continue their personal journeys toward a “new normal.” Elisa and her children have returned to North Carolina, and she is now teaching first grade in a small private school. Thania and her children have purchased a home in Sparks, Nevada, near family, and she is working in a grocery store.
“Elisa and I still talk on the phone and text,” Thania said. “I tell her about my life and she listens and tells me how she deals with some of the same things. It helps.”
To contribute to Captain Joseph House, call 360-460-7848 or go to captain josephhousefoundation.org.
