Behold. The mullet.
No hairstyle since a bunch of 18th century Euro-fops were running rampant in gigantic wigs like uber-rich nancies has held such prestige. Such arrogance and dare I say (sure, why not?) flair for fashion. (Honestly, what else looks good with a beer stained wife-beater?) Much like seeing a bald man with an enormous, perfectly curled and coifed, powder blue rug on his noggin, mullet sightings — outside of Kent — are becoming increasingly, and sadly rare.
This wasn’t always the case.
During their heyday in the mid- to late-1980s, mullets were where it was at. A right of passage, if you will, for a young man coming of age and a badge of honor for an old man desperately, blindly and even bitterly, clutching onto his days as a youth.
The classic “business in the front, party in the back,” took many, many different forms during it’s all-too brief tenure on top. Like strange, beautiful, yet rockin’ butterflies, mullets seemed to undergo a metamorphosis from head to head and year to year. Each was unique and whether it was a chrome dome sporting a Skullet or a lovingly kept Kentucky Waterfall riding below the collar of a Def Leppard “Pyromania” T-Shirt, mullets were unique yet unifying to those who grew them out. In short it was a hairstyle that clearly announced to one and all: Follow me to the kegger in the field.
• “Lethal Weapon” (1987) A suicidal Mel Gibson doesn’t let his hair get in his eyes and kept his cool in back as he teams up with “I’m getting to old for this ….” Danny Glover to solve a murder and ultimately take down evil-doer, drug dealer (in the movie, too) Gary Busey and the members of the aptly-named Shadow Company. This Christmas time favorite features Gibson, who plays Martin Riggs, running like a girl as his Squirrel Pelt flaps in the breeze and shooting pretty much everything in sight as he and Roger Murtaugh (Glover) let loose in Lala Land. Gibson keeps his Canadian Passport through Lethal Weapon 3 in 1992 — what a rebel — but lopped off the Ape Drape for LW4 in 1998. One can reason that his lack of a Camaro Cut was the main ingredient in the fourth movie’s recipe for failure. Well, that and the addition of Chris Rock to the cast.
• “Road House” (1989) “The dancing’s over. Now it gets dirty,” says it all for Patrick Swayze’s macho Soccer Rocker rebound following his complete wuss out in “Dirty Dancing” in 1987. Swayze plays James Dalton, a world renowned “cooler” or barroom bouncer, who’s hired to clean up the Double Deuce in Jasper, Mo. As if anything in, from or having passed through Missouri in the past 20 years can really be considered clean. The fight sequences play out like a stuntman’s training film as Dalton’s unkempt Beaver Paddle and rugged good looks catch the ready attention of the super hot, yet surprisingly single Dr. Elizabeth Clay, played by Kelly Lynch. The battle for the DD — the bar, not Lynch — is pretty laughable but entertaining as crotchety butt-kicker Sam Elliott arrives on the scene to lend a hand. Unfortunately, for fans of the mullet, Elliott’s character Wade Garrett sports no Manny but makes up for it with the bushiest mustache in Hollywood. His whiskers, have whiskers.
• “Lost Boys” (1987) A virtual mullet wonderland, this movie was to the Norco Neck Warmer what Wayne Gretzky was to Edmonton. That said, you know there is something seriously wrong with a movie when the mother has shorter hair than the kids. Seriously wrong. Yet something was so right with Corey Haim and Corey Feldman running amok (the latter with proud Hockey Hair) playing the role of vampire hunters. Trying to save Haim’s brother from embracing the hip lifestyle of the undead, the two Coreys face off with the likes of Tennessee Tophat toting vampires Alex Winter (aka Bill S. Preston, Esq. of Wyld Stallyns fame) and Kiefer “Stand down!” Sutherland in Santa Carla, Calif. “Lost Boys” is the only Joel Schumacher directed movie worth any salt and while the love story intertwined is served up like a cheese fondue that’s been on the Bunsen burner two hours too long, with the entertaining plot, slightly above par acting and sheer volume of gelled up Missouri Compromises in this one you can’t help dipping little cubes of bread in again and again.
Mmmm. Mmmm. Now that’s a tasty mullet.
