Dear Erin,

My husband and I have been having a disagreement.

When we are out, I will point out if he has a spot on his shirt or something in his teeth.  He feels like I am nitpicking and that I should keep my “helpful” comments to myself.  I would want someone to point these things out to me.

Who is right?

Perceptive in Poulsbo

Dear Perceptive,

We’ve all been there. You’ve had a fun night out with friends, only to come home and catch your reflection in the mirror and wonder aloud: How long has that been there?

Fill in the blank on what that might be: spinach in your teeth, a flaky item on your nostril or a piece of toilet paper tucked into your waistband. (I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing all of the above, thank you very much.)

Upon discovering the said item, after I got over my initial embarrassment, my next thought was: Why didn’t anyone tell me?

A wise friend once shared with me her rule of thumb when it comes to notifying people of embarrassing issues. Her rule: if the problem can be remedied immediately, let the person know.  If not, ignore it and don’t draw attention to the problem.

So the lipstick on their teeth? Let them know. The gigantic pimple on their forehead? I’m sure they are well aware and don’t need you to point it out.

— Ask Erin is a feature of Kitsap Week. Have a question? Write Ask Erin, Kitsap Week, P.O. Box 278, Poulsbo 98370 or email ejennings@northkitsapherald.com. Questions can range from advice to practical issues.