Death is something we generally don’t like thinking or talking about, whether it’s our own or a loved one’s.

When death must be referred to, it’s with euphemisms that distance us from the reality and the sacredness of the situation (e.g., “kicked the bucket” or “passed on”).

Death requires preparation in order to make it as good as possible. Most don’t want to go through unwanted or unnecessary medical procedures at the end of life and would prefer end-of-life talks with their physicians. Few actually want to outlive their brain. And no one wants a long, drawn-out ICU death that leaves our family totally traumatized.

We have become hands-off observers to death. Medical advancements have been wonderful in keeping people alive. But the ethical and legal fears of our hospitals mean physicians must do everything possible to keep their patients alive. Death is considered a failure, whether the patient is at the end-of-life stage or not.

According to Pew Research, 10,000 baby boomers turn 65 every day and will continue to do so for the next 19 years.

It’s dawning on aging Americans that they should have more control over their own end-of-life healthcare options. Do we really want to be helpless, dependent and in seemingly endless plugged-in suffering? Or would we prefer to die at home with loved ones nearby, with the help of Hospice? This is by no means a premature death, this is a natural death.

“When you’re young and healthy, you think you just need a Plan A: Fix me, heal me, cure me, maximize my longevity. But as you age or grow sicker, Plan A is no longer realistic and you need to formulate your own Plan B, based on your own values.

Plan B includes four factors we summarize as quality of life: a) keep me as independent as possible; b) keep me free from suffering, emotional and physical; c) support my family; and d) put me in the pathway to a Good Death.

If you don’t ask your doctor to be frank, you may never learn when it’s time to think hard about your Plan B “and get everyone in your family on the same page,” says Katy Butler, author of “Knocking on Heaven’s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death.”

So, there are things to do in advance of becoming incapacitated at the end of your life, if you haven’t already.

Advance healthcare directives are documents saying what kinds of medical treatments you want or don’t want should you be unable to communicate these wishes at the time. It is crucial to let your physician and family know your wishes in advance. Keep in mind, you can change or cancel either of the following directives at any time.

1) Health care directive (living will). This document says that if your condition is terminal and you are incapacitated, you either do or do not want your dying to be prolonged artificially with a ventilator or with tubes of nutrition and hydration. No heroic measures. This is necessary in case your health care proxy is unable to perform for any reason.

2) Durable power of attorney for health care (health care proxy). This document says who (husband, wife, daughter, son) you want to make your health care decisions if you are terminal and incapacitated.

Unfortunately, in case of an emergency (911), advance directives are usually not recognized until the patient is under the direct care of a physician in the hospital. There is, however, another form that is much more powerful, the POLST.

3) Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treat-ment (POLST) is an additional form that helps anyone with an advanced life-limiting illness by putting that person’s wishes into actual physician orders. Washington is one of 15 states with similar systems in place and nearly 30 other states are developing similar systems.

Can hospitals and physicians work with us on this? Serious end-of-life talks are essential if we and our families are to go through this process with dignity and grace.

— Marylin Olds is a regular columnist for Kingston Community News. She welcomes at marylin.olds@gmail.com.