I think I can top the ‘King of Comedy’

Published 1:30 am Friday, July 17, 2026

“People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.”

Also, because I stole that line from Jerry Lewis and didn’t even give him credit until this sentence.

It’s not like the last three words of the sentence apply to me, anyway.

Okay, maybe the last four words of that line don’t apply.

Fine, fine. Nothing in that entire line applies, unless “multifaceted” means “with sharp angles,” because that’s definitely how I’d describe my nose. Angular. And possibly multifaceted.

It’s tough to be a comedian, much less a stand-up comedian.

It’s hard enough to sit down and think up jokes hour after hour, agonizing over topics hour after hour, remembering that you get paid by the word, hour after hour…

Of course, Jerry Lewis is a king of comedy. You don’t get a nickname like “The King of Comedy” unless you are, well… kingly and comedic, or something.

But I think I can top his act. Not least because he has long ago left the land of the living (the ultimate retirement), but because I, like Lewis, have a great comedic partner.

My partner can do all the work while I soak up the laughs. I can be the “straight man” character, even though I’m a lady, and he’ll jump through every comedic hoop I launch him.

My comedic partner is my dog. He is the greatest comedian. I could probably get him to jump through a hoop, comedic or otherwise. And if he didn’t, the crowd would still probably love him.

There’s something wrong with a crowd that doesn’t adore golden retrievers. But even if they don’t, I’ve dealt with tough crowds before.

Maybe I haven’t actually been on the stage, but I’ve been in the audience, and I can tell you that every ounce of embarrassment the person on stage feels, I empathize with them completely.

The trick is not to imagine that the audience has holes in their socks, but simply to forget that there is an audience. Just let the lights blind you, and cue your golden retriever to do his job.

Other comedians struggle with double acts. They feel like one person does all the work and the other gets all the credit.

Here, I’ll do 10% of the work and get 90% of the credit.

All I have to do is teach my dog to obey some simple commands, like juggling with flaming chainsaws, and I’ll have the neatest double act on this side of the Atlantic.

Of course, this is easier said than done. But if people can do it, a semi-intelligent golden retriever should—okay, okay, I see your point.

There are other things Jerry Lewis did to establish himself as a comedic master. He sang songs for children and adults.

My dog never howls in tune to a song, but he barks sometimes. If I can get him to bark a beat, then maybe we’ll have something going.

Until then, I’ll stay in the audience of comedy clubs. Watching. Waiting. Being multifaceted, hour after hour.

Then maybe someday you’ll see me up on that stage, with my dog, both of us internationally famous geniuses. Or, you know, not.

Copyright 2026 Alexandra Paskhaver, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate. Alexandra Paskhaver is a software engineer and writer. Both jobs require knowing where to stick semicolons, but she’s never quite; figured; it; out. Feel free to contact her at alexandra.paskhaver@gmail.com