Beautiful losers and an ugly winner

Published 8:00 pm Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Heated competitions warm a chilly winter week.

I don’t know about you, but my thumb is worn to a nub from toggling between American Idol on Fox and the Olympics on NBC. Victory. Defeat. Victory. Defeat. Thrill. Agony. Thrill. Agony. It’s exhausting.

Lest you think I was just couch potato-ing, it was serious research, as this column proves.

Some of the observations garnered from a horizontal position: 1. Forget “15 minutes” — people will do anything for 15 seconds of fame; 2. Having straight blonde hair, ice-blue eyes and glaringly bright white teeth practically guarantees one a place on the team, any team; and 3. America loves its bad boys.

American Idol contestants fall into two camps: the Kelly Clarkson/Bo Bice wannabees, and the William Hung wannabees. That is, those who honestly can sing, and those who just want to be on TV at any cost. There are far more of the latter than the former, but by Tuesday night the field had been whittled down to the final 24 contestants, 12 men and 12 women.

I was sad to see the little cowboy from Montana who had only sung for his turkeys get eliminated, but glad to see loud-mouthed twins Derrell and Terrell tossed out.

While they were warbling and wailing over on Fox, on NBC the athletes were doing their own wobbling and flailing.

Short track darling Apolo

Ohno spent the last two years in self-imposed exile in the Olympic Village, training for his big moment, only to blow it by grabbing onto the blade of the South Korean skater in the lead and spinning into last place in his debut race. Oh No indeed.

Probably by the time this hits print he will have salvaged his reputation and scored at least one medal, but it was a sad start for Ohno fans.

Figure skater Michelle Kwan had her gold medal hopes dashed when she fell during practice, inflaming the injury that had kept her from trying out for the team in the first place, and bad boy Bode Miller bombed in his first two outings.

Bad boys always make good press: witness the explosion of coverage on Miller after his 60 Minutes confession of skiing “wasted.” But perhaps all that pre-Olympics hype swelled his head and unbalanced him, as he was dismal last week, downing his hopes of an Olympic gold medal faster than a bottle of Bud Light.

But ya gotta love his assessment of the slalom run in which he was disqualified: “I wasn’t so much conservative as just bad,” he said.

But it was a very good week for U.S. skier and nice guy Ted Ligety, who surprised everyone by screaming down the slopes to win the men’s combined in his first Olympics.

The reaction to Ligety’s win gave an interesting insight into just how the Olympics work. You’d think that if athletes are good enough to make the team, they should be considered good enough to win gold, right? Apparently, wrong. Seems there are the top dogs, the Bode Millers, Michelle Kwans and Apolo Ohnos, and then there’s the rest of the team; window dressing to look good during the opening ceremonies.

The U.S. ski team coach (his own coach!) said of Ligety’s win, “I’m not surprised he’s on the podium, I’m a bit surprised he won gold.” Thanks for the back-handed compliment coach, been taking lessons from Simon Cowell?

Speaking of whom, Simon had to eat crow this week, as “BBW” contestant Mandisa showed a lot of class when she forgave the sharp-tongued judge for making disparaging remarks about her weight during her initial audition.

“You don’t have to get an apology to forgive someone,” she said.

Simon was so humbled he did apology, and they hugged and made up.

Back on the Olympic ice, U.S. men’s champion skater Johhny Weir was hyped as America’s best hope for a figure skating gold, and he was making good press by being a brat.

He calls himself “princessy,” and complained that the Olympic Village was “not very comfortable.”

“It’s a little dusty, very underdecorated, the beds aren’t very soft,” he told reporters, before adding, “but I’m enjoying it!”

No such griping was heard from Russian skater Yevgeny Plushenko, who carried himself like real royalty as he flawlessly skated to a gold medal win.

“Princess” Weir flopped his way to a fifth place finish, then stormed out of the arena, blaming a missed bus connection from the Village for ruining his concentration. No doubt that pea under the mattress was a terrible distraction, too.

And the ugly winner? That entry comes from a different arena — the Westminster Kennel Club dog show at Madison Square Garden.

Taking top honors was Rufus, a colored bull terrier, with a face only a mother could love — a bull terrier mother. Rufus beat all contenders by exhibiting the classic profile of a bull terrier — with a perfectly egg-shaped head.

Rufus reportedly was expected to celebrate his win by “hucklebucking” — jumping up and banging his behind into a door. A true champion. wu